I read Psychology Today magazine religiously, it seriously is like a bible to me. My husband Neil is taking his masters degree and one of his courses was on eating disorders. He was reading an article in PT and when finished popped the magazine in the recycling bin. It was garbage day and I was taking the trash out and noticed the bright front cover of PT so I picked it out of the recycling bin.
The article Neil read was on behavior change. Not only did I read that article I read every one in that issue and continue to read PT on a regular basis. The latest article I read that resonated with me was on Relational Values and its importance for our mental health.
There is so much written by so many people on what we should do to keep our bodies physically fit, to prevent disease, to live longer, to live healthier from a physical perspective. But there is not a lot written by many people on the emotional/mental aspect of health.
Many people know they lack self confidence, self esteem, feel anger, depressed etc. but they many not know why they feel that way or how to get themselves out of feeling that way. So their mental health is one of the spokes not lined up in the wheel of life. (I love riding and every time I see a balanced wheel spin - it is my analogy for a healthy life). We all know how important relationships are to our mental health and the PT article explained how the value we place on these relationships correlates to positive mental health.
The article in PT goes on to talk about the importance of relationships in ones life and of a concept called relational value. This is the value we self impose on the relationship with important people in our lives. If we don’t feel we have any relationships or we don’t value those relationships we have a huge void in becoming a healthy human.
Humans are social creatures. I live in Winnipeg where per capita we have more restaurants then anywhere in Canada. We socialize in places like coffee shops, restaurants etc. Look at the social media revolution. It is easier to link up with people all over the world than ever before. We wouldn’t think anyone would have a problem finding a relationship.
But its not just finding people to socialize with its about the value you place on that relationship. Its about the feelings you and the other person express, the thoughtfulness, sacrifices made, etc show the value that is placed on that relationship. It is also about how we respond to changes in a relational value.
The PT article tells how a positive change sparks happiness, pride, love, joy etc and how a negative change may spark hurt, anger, resentment etc. It is how we learn, grow and move forward in our relational changes that helps create who we are. But it is how we value ourselves that is of huge importance. We need the balance between self focused and community focused to be healthy. Our self confidence, self reliance, achievement, power balanced with giving, loving, compassion, self sacrifice will bring about healthy relationships.
Sometimes people know they lack relationship value but don’t know what to do about it and sometimes people deny, or put up a wall that doesn’t allow them to have relationships and doesn’t allow others in that may see the relationship with you as value.
The author Gregg Henriques, Ph.D. of the PT article goes on to say he believes the “high paced, economically driven, highly complex society, we have inadvertently created a society that has many, many cracks for people to fall through. People who feel devalued and who don’t know how to change and who don’t know what to do with their feelings that result”.
Dr. Henriques goes on to ask whether as a society we should be looking at ways to measure relational value.
Perhaps we need to work toward developing a society that utilizes relational value to increase positive mental health. As someone who works at keeping all the spokes balanced in my wheel of life I know the importance of relationships and the value I place on them has such a positive impact on my body, mind and soul.
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