Mid October already. My goal was to write a blog at the beginning of each month. Maybe setting goals are just guidelines, maybe meant for adjustment of time depending on "life". I may not have met my goal of October 1, but I'm truly not going to beat myself up over it. Yup I'm 15 days late and thats okay by me. The key for me is that I'm here today writing. Writing about my life, love, what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, what I've learned since the last blog and how I continue to search for my path all the while awakening my body, mind and soul.
I continue to do some deep soul searching, trying to find the answers which are already within to questions, tough questions that I really want to deal with rather than push into my unconscious side of me.
I left my full time job in September (now a .4). I feel happy about that decision. That was awesome, brings a smile to my face thinking about it. I was in a job that I did not like. I knew I could not continue doing full time HR. Too negative, too heavy on my mind, which meant my body was neglected. The ironic part, I had more time to workout but with the knee still rehabbing and a rotator cuff that just can't seem to heal I chose to quit going to Crossfit. That decision alone made me feel sad. The competitiveness the motivation from others to work hard was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I wanted to become stronger, more lean and most of all work out with WN. I also learned the motivation needs to come from me, within and I know WN and I will bond in another way.
I know that I am choosing not to take the chance of injuring my body. So with the knee doing well I will continue to bike a lot, now indoors for winter and use the cross trainer and rower to get cardio. The weights I continue to lift, just not a lot of over head until that darn shoulder heals. I still practise yoga which I love. The stretching of muscle tissue, the relaxing of the mind the connecting of mind and body is totally outrageously healing. I have been blessed to open my own small space in my house for others to come and practice with me on Friday mornings.
I design an exercise program for a young man once a week and workout with him. Truly this is where I feel so good. Teaching others what Wendy taught me about fitness, conditioning, weight training, healthy eating etc. I went last week to Calgary to take the Personal Training Specialist course through Canfit Pro. Months ago I thought this was a daunting task, not for me, never would I get through it, not smart enough, not capable, all the fears, anxiety etc that we all have when trying something new. I'm constantly reminded of Christine's comment, "how do you know you won't like it', "did you know you liked chocolate before you tried it". We don't know anything unless we try, unless we learn, unless we are willing to change.
So I've changed. My attitude, my knowledge, my body, my understanding of self, my job, my future. I don't want to stop ever! Life is about constant change, evolving even when we don't think we want to. The cool thing for me is that I feel this is the right path. Everyone I meet, every experience I have is meant to be. There are no coincidences. When I was checking in for my flight leaving Calgary, something inside told me to book row 17 no other seats were booked in that row at that time. When boarding, I had a young couple sit down beside me. Had the best chat with both of them. And I know we were meant to meet and at some point our paths will cross again. I have met soooo many people in the last 6 months, now that I am more open to meeting people, trying new experiences, opening my heart and loving my life.
I continue each and every day to awaken my body, mind and soul. There is so much more I will learn, experience, feel, try. Yes there is still fear, anxiety, doubt etc. but each time I feel a negative I ask why. Why do I feel this way, now. What is happening at this moment to make me feel this way. And then I choose how to deal with that feeling. No one else can choose for me. I am here to create my life, to manifest how I choose to live within this plane of existence. I'll make mistakes, may feel regret for sure, but each moment will awaken me even more, allowing not just for existence but for truly LIVING.
