As a child I always thought of my parents as so old. Not just mine, but all parents were old to me. I thought I was very lucky though because I had two parents, some kids I went to school with weren’t so lucky I thought, they only have 1 parent. Each year I looked forward to my birthday, anxious to grow up become a teen, then graduate from high school. Work, university, marriage, babies, travel, whatever the next years bring, I didn’t really think too much about my parents aging.
If your parents are fairly healthy, you don’t think about them dying. I remember my grandmother dying, she was really old, 94 years to be exact. She was also overweight and had many health concerns. I was thankful then my parents were active, fairly healthy and somehow not that old to me.
However over the years, I came to terms with my parents becoming less active, less healthy and older. With age came, heart attacks, angioplasty, stents and joint replacement surgery.
With age also came, many miles of travel throughout the US and Canada. Many beautiful and memorable moments with grandchildren, many more laughs, big family get togethers that were loud and crazy. And at each one, my dad always blessed the meal and thanked the lord that we were all here together one more time.
Nine years ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Nine years of borrowed time as my brother put it. My mom was always a fighter, never believing in medical intervention, never doubting that when it was her time to go, it was her time to go, end of story. This was truly the first time my mom and dad talked openly about dying. They went and purchased all their funeral arrangements so not to burden the children. They let each of us know of their wishes and had their wills re-written. Death isn't something I wanted to dwell on, but looking back these conversations were important and part of my aging parents reality. Looking back I'm glad my parents and I had an open, honest chat about life and death.
Last Tuesday at 86 yrs old, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital, after 4 days of not keeping food in her stomach. For my mom to agree to go to a hospital, you know she wasn’t well. I looked at my mom and saw for the first time a tired, old women. Even though her body was giving out, my mom managed to joke around with medical staff and spoke philosophically about life and death. Friday was the family meeting with the doc to tell us how bad the cancer had spread and asked my mom what her wishes were.
She decided on a dnr on her chart, no interventions except for pain and chatted with me about all the things she has accomplished in life. She has accepted her fate gracefully and now it is our turn to do the same. Life is about living it to the fullest, being happy with the path you choose, staying healthy and accepting when the two ends of the spectrum meet to complete the circle of life.
Now we wait, sharing stories, laughing, crying and comforting each other as my mom prepares herself for the next phase of her journey and I prepare as well. I have longevity in my genes, so I will do everything I can to stay healthy until I become an old, tired women and my daughter and I will have many chats about life and death.
We can't prevent death. We can't prevent aging from occurring but we can slow the process. I will exercise, eat nutrient dense meals, reduce stress, sleep well and live life to the fullest. I want to live til I'm 86 (at least) and be healthy in body, mind and soul.
